Together Alone
by WhiteMageRyou
Summary: Lelouch has nightmares of being alone that begin to take over his life, Rolo wishes he wasn't such a burden to his brother and begins feeling like he needs to protect Lelouch. LuluxRolo Includes SPOILERS from season ONE!
1. Nightmares

Together Alone

**Disclaimer-** I don't own Code Geass

**Warning-** contains spoilers and fluff

**Side Notes-** It's told in first person point of view. The name of who the story is being told by is put above the part of the story that they are telling. Also, I know some of the characters are out of character but hey, it's a fanfiction so I can make them do whatever I want xD

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-+Lelouch

_I sat in a field of flowers. My hands picked flowers and pulled each petal off automatically so I didn't even have to think about what I was doing. My thoughts were elsewhere…_

_I was alone._

_Was this the peace I had always wished for? …The reward for fighting so hard? Nunnally, C.C., Suzaku … everyone I ever cared for was gone. My heart was shattered beyond repair._

_Suddenly, I realized that I was crying. The tears were just pouring from my eyes. I tried to blink them away but they kept coming, blurring my vision. I ripped the entire flower from its stem and tried to wipe my face dry with my arms but failed once again._

_No… I hadn't wanted this… I didn't fight for this… I didn't sacrifice lives for this! I didn't risk everything to just be alone! _

_.. darkness swallowed me, the beautiful flowers around me dicsinigrate into a black nothingness. My arm reached for a hand that wasn't there. I opened my mouth to call for help but found my voice was trapped in my throat._

_I fell. _

I awoke to find myself in bed. My hands gripped the sheets tightly as the feeling of falling slowly went away. My heart pounded in my chest and I was taking in heavy breaths. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of my face, mixing in with my tears.

When I had finally convinced myself that I wasn't falling anymore, my hands released the sheets. I propped myself up and pressed one of my hands against my face, covering my Geass. This had been the third time this week I had had the same dream. I glanced at the clock; it said it was only three in the morning.

I was too shaken up to go back to sleep, to afraid that I might have the dream again. I swung my legs out of the bed and headed for the shower. I didn't bother turning on a light. I reached in and turned the knobs so that warm water came pouring out of the shower head. I stripped off my boxers and stepped into the water.

I tried to focus on other things, like what Zero should do next and what tests I, Lelouch, had today, but everything always returned to my dream.

"Why alone?" My voice quivered as I tilted my head back into the water. It was the main thing that wasn't explained in my dream. I had reached my goal of creating a new world. I no longer had to be Zero. …

"But I was alone. What had happened to my beloved sister? Where was the witch? There was no way I could have won if they weren't there… Not even one member of the Black Knights was there either."

My knees shook as I wondered why I was falling at the end of the dream. I pressed my hand against the cold tile to hold myself up. "It was only after the feeling of being alone rushed over me that I was thrown into darkness. Could it be that-?"

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door squeaking. I stood there holding my breath. It wasn't possible that Rolo had been awake, was it? And if he was, what had he heard? I shut the water off and a towel over my shoulders as I slipped into my boxers. I stepped quietly through the hall until I reached Rolos room. I listened for any signs that he might be awake before pushing the door open slowly.

He was in bed, breathing softly. I let out a breath and started to close the door.

"Nii-san"

I froze.

"Nii-san… what's wrong?" Rolo sat up in bed. I turned back and smiled lightly. "It's nothing Rolo. Go back to sleep."

He stared at me with worry. "Yes, nii-san…"

I hated it when he called me his brother. He wasn't my brother and could never replace my sister. I watched him lay back down, his eyes staying locked on me before slowly closing.

Rolo was just an expendable tool and could be nothing more.

Morning came slowly. I watched the sun rise from the window of my bedroom. Small chatter and other such noises came to life as students began their normal routines. I hesitated in getting dressed. Could I just pretend to be sick today? Pretending everything was alright was putting a heavy stress on me… I was getting tired of acting all the time… Perhaps if I just played sick and spent the day alone, I could rid myself of the nightmares.

But no, Rolo would insist on staying by my side… and the student council was sure to stop by as much as possible so I wouldn't have a moment to myself at all.

A knock came from my door. It was sure to be Rolo so I slipped into my uniform and answered the door.

"Did you manage to get back to sleep last night?" He asked me. I gave a slight nod as I buttoned up my shirt and grabbed my bag.

"That's good…" He stared down at the floor as if something was on his mind. I headed out the door and he followed like an obedient dog.

"I didn't mean to wake you." I said. Even if I hated him, I had to keep him on my side.

"It's alright." He answered, "I didn't mind at all."

We parted after breakfast, but I promised him we would spend lunch together like always.

-+Rolo

I heard a small sob coming from Lelouchs room. I had never seen him cry, so the sound was strange and foreign to me. It wasn't unusual for me to wake up at night and head to Lelouchs room. Being around him gave me comfort and a feeling of purpose.

My hand rose to knock on the door but stopped when I heard the sound of him gasping for air like he had just taken a long run. He sat in bed for a while and I stood there, listening.

Finally, he got out of the bed and walked straight at me. I rushed away, and hid while he headed for the bathroom. Without thinking, I followed.

I could hear the shower turn on. Why was he taking a shower at three in the morning? I blinked; a shower seemed like a normal action compared to my snooping.

I opened the door and slipped my head inside, listening to the water rush against his skin. I closed my eyes, wishing I could comfort him in some way.

"Why alone?" His voice was shaky and so unlike the normal Lelouch. "But I was alone." I opened my mouth wishing to tell him that I would never leave him, that he would never be alone.

"What had happened to my beloved sister? Where was the witch? There was no way I could have won if they weren't there…"

My eyes flew open. I forced my mouth shut and bit my lip. Beloved sister… I looked away from the shower. Beloved sister… I couldn't hear the rest of what he was saying…

… I always knew Lelouch never loved me like he always acted like he did… but living in our small lie… it made me happy. … I would do anything for him if it meant we could stay together…

The door made a loud squeak from the pressure of me leaning against it. I shut the door quickly, knowing Lelouch would have heard it. I headed quickly back to my room and got back into bed. Sure enough, a moment later, Lelouch opened the door. I kept my eyes shut. If he knew I had been spying on him, would he be mad? … but I couldn't just sit by and watch him suffer… even if it seemed to involve his real sister.

"Nii-san" I said quickly as he was about to shut the door. "Nii-san, what's wrong?" I asked, sitting up. There was no way he would talk to me… he wouldn't open himself up so easily to me… but I had to make sure he knew I cared… He turned and gave me that crooked fake smile of his.

"It's nothing Rolo, go back to sleep." He said. I stared at him for a moment, wishing I could some how get myself to force him to talk to me… but I needed to obey him…

"Yes, nii-san." I laid back down and reluctantly closed my eyes. What was I doing wrong…? Why was it he looked at me with such fake eyes? … why was it he loved **her** instead of me? …

_Good night nii-san…_

_To be continued..._


	2. Pain

**Disclaimer-** I don't own Code Geass

**Warning-** contains spoilers and fluff

**Side Notes-** Reviews make me write faster! Heh, just kidding around. By the way, the time period of which this fanfiction would be before any thing 'big' happens to any of the characters if you get what I mean… -is trying not to spoil anything-

-+Lelouch

_My arm reached for a hand that I knew wouldn't be there. I opened my mouth to scream but found my voice was trapped inside my throat, never to be heard._

_I fell into the darkness…_

I sat up in bed, full of sweat and breathing hard. Again? … My body felt like it was on fire… My fingers felt stiff as I let go of the blanket.

I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

I turned the water on; making sure it was a bit cooler then normal and stepped inside the shower. The water felt good against my hot skin. I brushed my hair back and closed my eyes. The dreams were having a harder effect on my body each night. I awoke drenched in sweat and felt as if I had been lying on top of a fire.

I cupped my hands and splashed some of the water against my face before rubbing my eyes. The lack of sleep was no help either. The nightmare was coming sooner and sooner in the night… and I was afraid to go back to sleep…

Not that I hadn't been trying, but my body refused to let my eyes close again.

I had told C.C. a little about what was happening. She didn't have any help to offer and there was no way I could just talk with one of the Black Knights…

I let out a sigh and held my breath to keep from letting any kind of sob from escaping my throat.

If that was how things were going to turn out… then I didn't want it anymore…

But I couldn't just abandon Nunnally… not without trying to make her a world where we could be happy together…

My hand reached out and shut the water off. I stood there, watching water droplets fall from my skin.

I needed to work harder to achieve a world for the two of us… I couldn't let a silly nightmare rip apart everything…

I closed my eyes and thought of the happy memories I had of the two of us… just Nunnally and me… but they began to mix with memories of the year I had spent with …

"Rolo?" I said the name as if it was unknown to me… it occurred to me, in my nightmare, Rolo was also nowhere to be found… could it mean in my dream he had betrayed me? … or had he also vanished to leave me to the darkness? … Not that it mattered… no, it didn't matter at all… Rolo was just Rolo…

"… Nii-san, are you not sleeping well?" Rolo asked me as we ate lunch.

I gave him a small smile as if I was grateful for his worried words. "I've just been doing a lot of thinking…" I answered before taking a bite of my lunch. I wasn't all that hungry and the food tasted rotten in my mouth, but I forced myself to swallow. "… I might be coming down with a cold though… Last night I woke up with a fever."

It seemed like Rolo was trying to spend more and more time with me, I swear if I left my bedroom door open he'd sleep on the floor next to me. … I glanced at the time, wishing for an excuse to get away from him but none came to mind.

"… If you ever need anything…" He began, looking away from me as if he was embarrassed, "… I'll do it…"

I put on a smile and reached out to rest my hand on his shoulder. "I know, Rolo. We're brothers and I trust you."

He looked up at me in awe.

It was too easy…

_My hand pulled petal after petal from the flowers. I was alone… so alone… I let out a sob; this wasn't how things were supposed to be… I didn't want things to end that way… How could any of them forgive me? … maybe this was my personal hell … _

_I dropped the flower I was holding and got to my feet. "I'm sorry!" I tried to scream but the words only came out as a whisper. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me…" _

_I held my heart, wishing the pain would go away. I didn't want to be alone anymore… _

"Lelouch…"

_I turned my head to see where the voice had come from… but there was no one there. _

"…You're not alone…"

_Where was this angelic voice coming from? I felt like I was being saved… like an angel had come down from the heavens above to tell me it was alright… but … but it wasn't alright… the voice was just a voice… and I was in my own hell right? … I didn't deserve to be saved…_

_The flowers around me burst into a thousand pieces as the darkness wrapped it's self around me. I reached, there was no hand to save me… there was no one to pull me out of this nothingness… _

-+Rolo

I stood outside the bathroom, listening to Nii-san take his shower after waking up so early in the morning. I had no idea if he knew I was there or not… but it didn't matter, he didn't tell me to go away so I wouldn't leave.

When the water was shut off I left quickly for my room.

"And take Rolo with you."

I looked up at hearing my name. Milly was handing Lelouch a piece of paper. He hardly spared me a glance as he headed for the door. I stood up instantly and followed. I looked over at the paper to see it was a list of things that the current project the student council was putting together.

We walked in silence to the storage room. I couldn't take much longer of this… I wanted Lelouch to give me one of his fake smiles and claim everything was okay… I wanted to feel like I still belonged somewhere in his heart…

Finally, Lelouch broke the deafening quietness that surrounded us.

"Go grab the box over there." He told me. I did as he ordered and walked over to the shelves where the box was. My hands were just out of reach. I stretched up onto my toes. I couldn't fail … I couldn't look like I was useless…

I felt someone lean against my body; a pair of hands stretched up past mine and took hold of the box. I turned my head to see Lelouch. I quickly looked away feeling like a burden.

He ignored my actions as he pulled the box over my head and headed back towards the other box he had grabbed. I rushed past him to pick it up before him. "I'll get this one, nii-san…" I said quietly. "I could carry that one as well" I offered but Lelouch shook his head. I followed after him as we headed for the exit. My eyes stayed locked on the floor.

Lelouch cared so much for his beloved sister… could he ever truly love me just the same? …

My shoulder bumped against a tower of boxes. I looked up to see that a few of the boxes were falling straight for me. I could have easily jumped out of the way but my feet seemed heavier than before… all I could think about was how much of a burden was I to Lelouch? …

I closed my eyes as the boxes grew closer.

Did Lelouch hate me? … When he finally reached his goal… would he cast me off forever?

"Rolo-Gah!"

I opened my eyes as a pair of hands grabbed my shoulders and pulled me close, protecting me… The boxes hit Lelouch and then the ground. I dropped the box I was holding and wrapped my hands around his shoulders. "Nii-san!"

"Are you alright?" He asked, looking at me. His eyes were filled with emotion… real emotion… I nodded my head quickly as a burning lump grew in my throat. I forced it away, I couldn't cry in front of nii-san…

"Why didn't you move out of the way?" He demanded as if scolding me. I looked off to the side, unsure of how to answer him. Nii-san lifted a hand to flick my forehead.

"Come on. We've got to get this stuff back to the student council room." He said, letting me go. I watched him stack the fallen boxes before lifting my box and his own.

_Are you in pain, nii-san?_

_To Be Continued..._


	3. Burning

**Disclaimer-** I don't own Code Geass

**Warning-** contains spoilers and fluff

**Side Notes-** .. well .. I did have this chapter and the next chapter finished but after watching the new episode of Code Geass .. I decided I needed to rewrite bits and pieces 'cause the anime was shockingly close to what I had written – they stole my ideas! - … so sorry for the wait… oh and thanks for the reviews!

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-+Lelouch

"Hey Lelouch, could you go get these two boxes out of the storage and make sure they have all this stuff in them?" Milly held out a piece of paper to me. I took it, knowing she wouldn't take no as an answer.

"And take Rolo with you."

My mind was else where and the activities of the student council seemed worthless and pathetic … My nightmares… they had suddenly taken a turn… Although the outcome was always the same… there was a voice… it comforted me… it told me I wasn't alone after all… but the voice never revealed it's self to me.

When I awoke, the feeling of being alone would vanish as well… I stood in the shower longer, never wanting the feeling to leave me… but it did…

The voice sounded so familiar but I couldn't place it…

I looked around the storage room and spotted one of the boxes. "Go grab the box over there." I pointed before heading in the opposite direction to grab the other one we needed.

I noticed Rolo was too short to reach the box I had sent him for and went over to help him. As I grabbed the box for him, I felt his eyes staring at me before his head fell. Had I done something wrong?

I blinked and tried to ignore the look he had given me…

He ran past me and picked up the other box before I had a chance too, which I didn't really mind, but things suddenly felt so awkward between us. It's not like there had ever been something there to make awkward… but I suddenly felt like I had done something wrong to make Rolo feel bad...

I walked a step ahead of him, not wanting to see his face anymore. There was enough on my mind. I heard him bump into something and turned to see why he had stopped walking.

He was staring up at the boxes as if they weren't about to crush him. His face was hurt and he looked as if he might burst into tears.

…. Why wasn't he moving? …

I dropped the box I was holding and leapt forward. "Rolo!"

… Did he want to get hurt? …

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him as close as possible as the boxes hit my back. "Gah!"

… I was already alone enough without Nunnally and Suzaku…

"Nii-san!"

His voice sounded precious and fragile as it hit my ears. I wouldn't let him leave me too… I wouldn't allow it… He was mine.

I felt his hands grip my shoulders, helping me stay on my feet as the pain surged through my back. "Are you alright?" I asked.

He nodded his head.

"Why didn't you move out of the way?" I demanded. Are you that dispirit to leave me?

I raised my hand and flicked his forehead. I turned quickly and stacked the fallen boxes. "Come on. We've got to get this stuff back to the student council room." I said, unsure if he would follow as I picked up the two boxes and started walking again.

Once I was free from the student council I slipped out of my shirt and stared at the big bruises the boxes had left. They were already a deep purple surrounded by an ugly shade of yellow.

My eyes were seeing double after a minute of staring. I shook my head. The pain wasn't that bad… but mixed with my lack of sleep… it all seemed to collide into a horrible mess in my head.

I pulled on a loose t-shirt and headed to meet Rolo for dinner but the room was empty when I got there. I took a seat and waited. I wasn't all that hungry anyway…

_My heart ached…it felt like someone had stabbed it with a white hot blade and left it to burn. Sobs escaped from my lips. Wasn't there anyway to go back and change what I had done? …_

"Lelouch…"

_I raised my head and looked around. "I don't want to be alone anymore…please!" I cried out in a whisper._

"… I won't leave you … I love you, Lelouch."

_A small figure appeared in the flowers. I couldn't make out the face but I could tell that the figure was holding out their hand as if to ask me to come to them. I ran forward but before I could reach them, the field turned into flames. _

_The fire surrounded me, burning my skin. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out._

"Lelouch!"

_The figure cried my name as I fell from the flames into nothingness._

My eyes fluttered open and it took me a moment to realize that I was still in the dinning room and not falling. I sat up and looked across the table. Rolo wasn't there…

I stood up quickly – a bad move. My head began to spin as surges of pain hit my back. The rest of my body felt like it was on fire.

I took a few steps towards the door but my knees gave way. Tears gathered in my eyes. I held my stomach, feeling like I was going to be sick. I bent forward, my forehead rested against the cool floor. A sob escaped my lips.

I wanted to scream out for Rolo … I needed to see him… to make sure he hadn't left me… he was the only one left… but like my dreams, I just couldn't find my voice.

My hands pulled against the shirt I was wearing. Every moment that passed by it seemed to only get hotter. I some how managed to get the shirt off but it wasn't enough. I forced my body to move as I crawled towards the door. I was alone… I felt no comfort like before…

I pulled myself to my feet but had to lean against the wall as I walked. The flashes of lightening were the only things keeping me sane as I walked through the dark hall. The bathroom seemed miles away… but I some how made it.

Stumbling into the tub, I turned the knob for cold water as far as it would go. I didn't care that I was still wearing pants… I just needed the cold water to cool me off… to end the burning.

_To be Continued…_


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